Vote Vladimir

Just when you think it's all quiet on the Eastern front, Vladimir chucks another curve ball into the mix. It would appear that when he's not dancing on the telly, outing McMafioso or dressing monkeys as journalists, he's quite into his politics.

After having a chinwag with Ruben Palazuelos a few weeks back, it didn't occur to me to note whether or not there was a knowing twinkle in his eye when he informed me that El Presidente was in the building. But being head honcho of a football club seems to be infinitely less than the full sum of his true aspirations - Vladimir is running for President of Lithuania.

Without having visited the country, or indeed, being able to rely on the blethers of Google translator for an accurate English write up of their press articles on the subject, it's difficult to gauge whether or not he might be a popular choice for the citizens of Lithuania. However, with very little info to go on it seems that Vladimir might well have been a tycoon of industry but prior to his shenanigans on 'Dancing with the Stars' he was largely unknown. I have no doubt that the barrage of Vlad-related articles published in the Scottish press will, to some extent, have filtered through to the papers in Lithuania and will have given him somewhat of a more tabloid friendly profile but is this enough to get him the 20,000 pre-election votes that are required to validate his candidacy? Will the Lithuanian people respond to this type of publicity when it comes to the serious matter of choosing the head of their government?

I'd attempt to go into the more obvious (and less interesting) obstacles but as I have no grasp whatsoever of the political culture in Lithuania, I can only assume that his business interests and industrial activities may conflict with any political aspirations, not to mention the opportunity for relationships and business deals that would compromise the integrity of any role in government. Rather than make further assumptions on what this might all mean for Hearts, I'm going to steer clear of the 'what ifs' and stick with one tiny little glowing gem of relief that might help soothe the spirits of any nervy Jambos. Put simply, if he was half as dodgy as people have suggested he might be - would he really be running for political office?

Before anyone hoots with laughter at my naivety, I'm well aware that politicians are rarely the most virtuous species but there's a very big difference between having a few skeletons in your closet and being a bonafide crook. It's almost a given these days that the most powerful people in society won't always play nice but if you have something big to hide, exposing yourself to the level of scrutiny that comes with running for political office is hardly the smart way to protect yourself and your interests. There isn't much information available on Vladimir, who he is and where exactly he got his cash, but it's probably safe to assume that if he starts to make any real progress with this campaign to run for President the information floodgates could well be thrown open.

The alternative is that he's just a bit bored and fancies the extra publicity. In any other set of circumstances involving almost any other individual, I wouldn't even consider going down that path but what we have come to understand over the past few years is that with Vladimir, anything is possible. Goodness knows what he's up to but it's going to be fun to watch and see how this one pans out. But for sheer entertainment and services to lunacy alone he'd definitely get my vote.

Moaning minnies of the SPL

Maybe I don't remember details as clearly as I should. I can barely remember who scored in any fixtures which happened longer than 2 weeks ago, I can't remember specifics about most transfers and I don't have any real recollections of specific comments made in television or press articles over the past few years. But I am sure that the level of catty comments between managers has never been quite this bad. There are handbags strewn across the SPL playing field.

Vladimir Romanov arrived in Edinburgh and was initially described as a breath of fresh air when he first began casting opinions on all and sundry. To begin with, his critique of the Scottish game and the SFA was refreshingly honest and we watched and listened with gleeful admiration. Of course, we all know how that turned out and these days, both Jambos and other onlookers are less inclined to pay quite so much attention to his profound rantings and Mafia-tinged tantrums. Love him or loathe him, there's no doubt that he was something new and different - football people just don't tend to sustain that sort of outspoken behaviour for very long.

So, by rights, we shouldn't really be all that surprised by recent events. Hearts supporters have adopted a certain siege mentality when it comes to criticism. We had to. Anything less would have seen the majority of us in straightjackets by the halfway point of last season. But before now, there was usually a good reason for the drama and scandal, a tangible reason for people to stick the knife in and cast aspersions upon the fine name of Heart of Midlothian Football Club. But to all intents and purposes, we've been really rather well behaved this season. A few red cards and Marius Zaliukas aside, our players haven't been getting into trouble or holding any impromptu press conferences to publicise dressing room unrest. Rumours of our demise were greatly exaggerated and we haven't had any plumbers trying to sue (or buy) us. We've even been doing rather well on the football pitch and have beaten off some decent competition to hang on to the coveted third spot....

Ah. Yes. That'll be it. We're doing rather well. We aren't supposed to be doing that, are we?

Perhaps Messrs Calderwood and Levein paid a little too much attention to rumour and underestimated both our squad and new-manager-on-the-block, Csaba Laszlo. Hearts didn't pick up many new players and going on last year's showing, not even the Special One himself should have managed to make a team out of that motley crew. But he did, and that might have been more than a little disappointing for those who expected to take advantage of our weakened state. These windows of opportunity don't come along very often and the prospect of a less competitive Hearts must have been very appealing for those who covet a regular place in the top end of the table.


McGhee might have fallen into the same trap, and probably had greater cause for hope following Motherwell's brief period of success last season and their reward of an even more brief soujourn into European football. But more importantly, there's that little incident with our managerial vacancy and the trip to Lithuania which culminated in a last minute change of heart in a departure lounge.

Thumbscrews wouldn't get it out of him but does anyone honestly believe that he doesn't regret that decision? I might wear maroon tinted glasses but I'd put money on the fact that he does. Laszlo's more than a thorn in his team's side, he's a constant reminder of what he could have had. Ouch.


Or maybe they're just moaning about Hearts because we don't play particularly pretty football and still manage to take points from them. Maybe our brand of smash and grab football is anathema to these sporting purists. It could be that simple, but it probably isn't. As Csaba explained, it's not about being attractive - it's about the points on the board. If you have nice football, you can die....and we wouldn't want that...we've got European adventures to consider.

Proper peckers

David Obua seems to be a name which crops up more often than anyone else on this blog at the moment, but again, it was our erstwhile Ugandan who inspired the comments which in turn, inspired this blog entry. According to Colin Duncan of the Daily Record, Obua was celebrating our win against Dundee United by dancing like a 'proper pecker'. He wasn't alone, apparently Ruben Palazuelos was throwing some rather nifty shapes and the travelling Hearts support were having a right old party in the stands too.

And who could blame any of them? I can think of several reasons why we have every right to party like it's 2009.

1. No matter which way you look at it, that was a big result for us. A hugely important win. When asked to predict the score on Saturday morning prior to the match, I'm ashamed to say that my gut instinct didn't include thoughts of winning or even scraping a draw. Despite having noted that United's form hadn't been all that spectacular since the transfer window closed, the absence of Flood wasn't enough to convince me that United wouldn't be up for this one - Tannadice has hardly been a happy hunting ground for us in recent months and I just couldn't see where we'd find the grit required to get through this fixture unscathed. I'm delighted to say that where my faith was lacking, the players certainly weren't suffering from a lack of guts and while it wasn't pretty, three points were bravely snatched and dispatched back to Edinburgh. Three points which moved us 5 points ahead of United and 6 ahead of Aberdeen and kept us firmly in the third spot.

2. David Obua may only have arrived recently in Gorgie but many of the players who turned out against Dundee United have been through the mill with the supporters over the last year or so. They will remember how it felt last season when we struggled through almost every game and ended up stuck in the bottom six. The players didn't operate as a team, didn't seem to know how to play as a unit and had absolutely no sense of direction. The supporters were miserable, the boo boys were out in force and the atmosphere at games was bordering on murderous at times. Stevie Frail, for all his good intentions, was completely out of his depth and the general feeling was one of hopelessness and frustration.

How things have changed. Hearts took an impressive support with them on their travels to Tayside and while it might be one of the most overused cliches in football, they really were the twelfth man. The players may not have been purveyors of beautiful football, but they should be commended for their tenacity and commitment and were spurred on by the support they received from the stands. A million miles away from what we had last year and in my book, definitely worth a wee dance or two.

3. Csaba Laszlo. This man is glue. Super glue. I don't need to go into any lengthy detail about why he's important or explain how he has been the catalyst for the changes we've witnessed at Tynecastle, but he's the reason that we're currently sitting in third. He's also the reason why we can go to games without that horrible sense of foreboding. Vladimir Romanov may be many things, and has made many mistakes, but signing this man was a masterstroke and at the risk of wishing away the rest of what could be a fantastic season for us, I can't wait to see what he does this summer. If he's given the means to build his own squad and bring in some quality in the next transfer window, I think we could be watching something special next year. If the judges for Manager of the Year take our full circumstances into consideration, he surely has to be in with a shout. I'm a fully fledged and committed member of Csaba Laszlo's Barmy Army, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Plenty of reasons to be positive, plenty of reasons to be hopeful, plenty of reasons to have a wee dance. It's all looking rather rosy in the Gorgie garden and I, for one, intend to make the most of it.

Sedatives please, and plenty of them...

See? Just when you think it's safe to express even the tiniest little bit of joy, it all comes crashing right back down again around your ears. We barely had time to celebrate the win over Rangers before we received news that the wages issue had become even more bizarre and twisted, with the press indicating that the highest earners may have agreed to defer their wages until January and the win bonuses would follow on in 'due course'...whatever that means...

If her name alone isn't enough to leave people quaking in their boots, Jurga Chomskyte-McGeever is fast becoming the ominous Cruella de Vil of this horribly realistic pantomime. If the UBIG execs think these events to be of sufficient importance that they warrant comment from Lithuania, the very least they could do is take the time to come up with something better than: "It's merely a glitch. Everything is fine." The one thing that we had managed to work out for ourselves is that everything is very much not fine, and after months (years?) of overdosing on vague, we'd really be grateful if someone might take the time to give us something more factual than the convoluted smorgasbord of rumour and supposition that the local media serve to us on a daily basis.

While I refuse to be cajoled into fitful hysteria by the Daily Record's endless claims of outstanding bills, court cases, disconnected water supplies and poverty stricken den mothers, the Hibs fans' obsession with the cost of aluminium in Eastern Europe and falling UBIG share prices, or the News of the World's reportage on Vlad's transatlantic dealings with dodgy Russian oligarchs, everyone has their breaking point and mine is approaching at quite an alarming rate of knots.

On the face of it, you'd think everything was just dandy. Csaba continues to smile, crack jokes and neatly sidestep any probing questions relating to financial matters. Berra and Stewart have been wheeled out to confirm that the players agree. You would almost think it was business as usual if it wasn't for the fact that the papers are now also full of reports linking half of the squad with moves to the Premiership and the club website is carrying ready made CVs for Kingston and Driver on the front page. There's no doubting that certain members of the playing staff are destined for greater things, but since when were we awash with superstars? And they say Celtic are the PR gurus...

I have no idea what's likely to happen in coming weeks, but come the end of January, if I can look back on this blog entry and laugh I won't mind the blushes one little bit. It's good to exercise the cynicism every once in a while but to be honest, I'd really rather not think about any of it at all.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

So UBIG have ballsed it up again and are we really all that surprised? After a week of slightly grimy attempts by the media to upset and irritate those of a maroon persuasion, it was more disappointing than anything else to read on Friday evening that yet again, our players hadn't been paid on time. We all know that the tabloid press love nothing more than a juicy opportunity to stick the boot in, but what makes it even more galling is the fact that while we're griping about it we're also handing them the ammo.

But this isn't really the main issue. While one mistake can be passed off as an unfortunate incident, doing it twice crosses that line into behaviour that demonstrates more than a little lack of respect for our playing staff. I couldn't care less what the media have to say about it, nor would I lose any sleep over the raucous glee with which news of this type is met by our Leith dwelling rivals - but I do care about the effect this could have on our players.

This team has been putting the work in, there's no doubt about that. They've fought tooth and nail over the last few weeks to bring some positivity back to Hearts and each and every single one of them deserves credit for the rapid improvements that we've witnessed and enjoyed. It goes without saying that neglecting to pay any employee is intrinsically wrong, regardless of who they are or what job they do - but this lot could be easily be forgiven for feeling that their recent efforts have not been recognised or appreciated by their employers. People who, in the past, have vehemently extolled the virtues of respect and have openly crticised players for allegedly demonstrating less than honourable intentions towards their colleagues and the club.

UBIG and Vladimir Romanov - practice what you preach. Whatever this 'blip' is, get it sorted out - and show our players a little respect.

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